Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Fast and Furious 5 – Review. Aka: why did you suck so bad?


Let me say this right of the bat: I’m a big fan of both the fast and furious franchise and Vin Diesel in general.

Having said that I thought the latest offering from the F&F team was super wack!

So why was it so bad?.....well it actually wasn’t.


It was an ok to slightly above ok cops chasing baddies movie (with a very under used “the Rock”) and that is exactly what was wrong with it.

If you know what I mean then I know you agree and you can stop reading if you want.

For everyone else let me explain in one sentence:
The Fast and the Furious movies are movies for car nuts.

Now I will explain what that means:
Some dumb non car person was praising F&F5 for finally becoming more that just a car chase movie.
Come on “movie review guy” the reason and the only reason these movies have made it to sequel number 5 is that us car nuts will go and see terrible ass movies, even as bad as Tokyo Drift, JUST TO SEE COOL CARS GOING FAST.
.....the fact is there is no way in hell people will keep going to more F&F instalments. They just totally ignored and, I would guess, have now lost their core audience and made a half decent action cop chase movie.

When was the last time an average action movie got to instalment 5? Think about it. Rocky? Nope, Rocky was initially academy award winning stuff. The answer is never, never ever ever.

If there is any chance that Vin is reading this I’d like to say something to him personally. Vin buddy I get the feeling that you are the reason that movie sucked. I kind get it... you don’t wanna be type cast as the guy co-starring with the cool cars. 
If that’s so please just walk away. Do another XXX to make up for the awful Ice Cube sequel.......Please. 

Us car nuts don’t have anything else to look forward to. We would rather see another Tokyo Drift than more like this one. 

Even if Letty isn’t dead. Spoiler alert....whoops too late.

In closing I’d like to say: SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION.
Here is a huge niche market not being catered for any more.....it seem like F&F is no longer about cars and street racing. SOMEONE PLEASE FILL THIS GAP. 
Stop making Twilight-esque shite and jump at this opportunity. Oh and I’m very cheap as an onset consultant of what sucks and what doesn’t suck.

Ps. I also have to say that the one remaining Japanese Hero car was bas ass! The 70s skyline was in the movie for a super short period but it was honestly one of the highlights for me. I love old school Japanese iron.